They say there are more than 3 dimensions in this universe – may be 15 or so – and that nobody is able to prove it scientifically. I believe that all those dimensions are already there in our life and we all witness and experience that every day. When I was young, in my teens and twenties, I lived in a different dimension and could not perceive what an elderly lady in her thirties or forties or older have to go through.
Now, I am in my thirties and living in another dimension of life. From my dimension, I can see my younger self and feel that there are many things that I did thoughtful and I feel proud of her. And at the same time I see her doing things that I wish she could have done differently or could have not done at all in the first place. I feel like preventing her from doing that. Today, being in middle-age, when I see a young girl doing something which I sense is not good for her, my clone from other dimension wants to cry – “hey, don’t do it. It’ll ruin your future”, or “Why did you say yes to that job, that won’t take you anywhere”, or “girl, you have hooked yourself with a jerk. Be ready to get dumped”. It’s all because I have passed through that experience – a dimension – and can visualize how that’s going to be for others.
Here I am acting as an adviser, from a lady-in-her-thirties dimension to the girls-in-teens-and-twenties dimension. I cannot go back in time but I can certainly report what I could have done better in that time and thus want to put those lessons at your disposal.
Speak up. It’s your life. It’s you who has to decide whether you want to impose a decision to yourself or not. Don’t let yourself be treated like a kid whom everyone is molding as per their wish. Right from the high school, you will see injustices coming to your share. Every now and then you will find your rights invaded and curtailed. When you’ll enter into the professional world, there will be times when you would be downplayed and subdued. You have to protect yourself, your fundamental rights, and your sanity. “If you don’t speak for yourself, nobody else will. Be guardian of your own life.’
Don’t ignore your academics. Consider your education of paramount interest. Your entire future depends on your act within the campus of your alma mater. Harder the effort you put inside the boundary walls, greater the payoff outside the boundary walls of your campus. These short term pains will seize your entire life with abundant opportunities.
Travel – travel alone. This is the thing I regret tremendously not pursuing it then. Travelling doesn’t have to be expensive and to the luxurious locations only. Travelling has to be to places which expands your horizon of life, awakens your mindset, and provides altogether a different perspective to life. When you are young and bachelor, you have got plenty of time to explore the places. Leverage these opportunities. “Believe me each travel would leave you with a life-changing experience.”
Think twice (and multiples of twice) before getting into marital bliss. Marriage is an institution and hence, it deserves a due consideration from your side before you decide to get enrolled into. This is the most important as well as the toughest decision you would ever make in your life. Don’t slide under pressure that – “you should think about getting married honey. You are not getting younger anymore.”; “there are three more younger siblings in line, so you should make way for them”; “you won’t get suitable companion when you age, so get married early”; “your all friends are married and have kids, when are you making me grandma?” and so on and on. Get married when you are ready to be in a committed relationship, when you have achieved what you wanted to before getting in a relationship, when you think you have got a partner with whom you would like to grow old, when you think you want to start a family, when you think your future plans are aligned with your partner, and when you think you are in love. Well, in this regard I could dig a diamond in form of my husband (I got lucky), but that might not be the case with you. So, take all your time in choosing your better half.
Be courageous to chase your dream. Do you want to be a writer, not an engineer? Then DO NOT pursue that expensive, time taking, and obviously boring for you education trail. You want to be in entertainment industry, or in fashion, or in medicine, or in science, or anything that you choose has to come from the bottom of your heart. Your education has to be synchronized with your interest otherwise you will feel restless for the rest of your life.
Don’t hesitate to take new opportunities. Get into something that you haven’t done before. Don’t get yourself excused by your own created irrational vindications. Take chances and delve into it.
Save money. Ladies, save, save, and save your money as much as you can. This is what going to be your best companion in your old age. This is what you would need when you would want to pursue your hobbies, travelling, getting higher education, or even with your marriages. So just Save!
Be grateful to God and others. You got attitude? Not good for you darling. Time can change anytime and you can be in a place where you never envisaged. Considering that, be humble and grateful to God and to anyone and everyone who helps you to keep your sanity and this decent life.
Don’t be a machine. I know you are extremely ambitious. I am proud of you. But I just don’t want you to be overwhelmed. I don’t want to see you as a mechanical device. Take it slowly. Don’t work to such an extent that you forget your own existence. Acknowledge yourself and take time for yourself, your family, and this beautiful world.
Learn to say NO. You are loved by everyone. You love helping each individual who asks for your help. And you feel good too – “Everyone loves me, wow”. You don’t realize that you have become a people-pleaser keeping your comfort at stake. Common, think whether you would really be fine with the proposal, otherwise you have got other word also in dictionary – NO.
Learn how to manage yourself in emotional crisis. As you will grow up, you will enter into a different side of the world that you never knew before. You will get new opportunities and contentment, and at the same time heartaches too – your dreams, your aspiration, and your heart. Your mom cannot be there with you all the time. You will be there by yourself, all alone. Therefore, sweetie, you got to be brave at heart. “It’s ok to cry, be angry, be resentful, but at the end of the day, you must get up and show off.”
Accept your flaws – accept yourself. I wish I had not obsessed over my shortcomings; “I am short, average looking, not so brainy, short tempered, over sensitive also – oh I got nothing good” were the thoughts that replayed in my mind over and over again. I know how much I wasted contemplating over these inadequate thoughts. By time, it’s all over now. My appearance doesn’t bother me at all and now I do realize that there are better things to think and do. Therefore, embrace yourself and tell yourself everyday – You are you and I love you the way you are. You have to work on your dream rather than begrudging over these insignificant beliefs. Get up and do something – lot many things to be done.
Do not let others downplay you. You will come across many people who would be fake well-wishers of yours. They will pretend to be your friend but leave no chance to patronize you. You will be reminded about your flaws by these people. Beware, beware of rats!! You know your worth.
Take care of your skin. Yes, I want to bring this up as I had completely ignored such care in my young age and as a result invited freckles and other skin abnormalities. Make sunscreen and moisturizer your lifetime BFFs. Your skin will thank you forever.
Take care of your parents. I saved this point for the last because this is the most important yet most overlooked act. The good thing about growing up is that you grow up but the bad thing is that your parents grow older too. They will not be there with you forever as you falsely imagined as a kid. Your time with them is limited and use every bit of that slice of time. They need you and your company. Take care and respect your parents.
It’s true that you cannot control your destiny. All you can do is to be cautious with your intentions and wait for the outcome. If it turns out to be good then pat your back, else make an entry of it as learning in your journal.
Shweta Kumari Sharma
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